im drinking this country out of the recession.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
