The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
