Buhtt sex?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
