Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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