how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
