Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
