Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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