There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
