Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
