The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
