I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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