u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
