I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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