So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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