I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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