who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
