You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
