So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
