i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
