If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
