i think my tv is drunk
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i would punch a child for taco bell
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
