If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize