I think I am morally bankrupt
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
