God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
