I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
