i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
