it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
