I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
