What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
