next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
