He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
