Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
