It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
