things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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