I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im holly from the hills drunk
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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