Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
