I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
