Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
