2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
