The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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