this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
