i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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