ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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