It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
