dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
