Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
