I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
