I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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