the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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