But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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