i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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