You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
