Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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