Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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