I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
