So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
