i may or may not be watching the land before time
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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