we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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