You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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