At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
