let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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