i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
