I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
