just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
