We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
