you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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