gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
