dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
