Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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