god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We don't watch enough power rangers
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
