Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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