JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
